Today is 2 1/2 weeks without a cigarette.  My biggest issue when considering quitting smoking was fear.  Fear of wanting something and not being able to have it.  Making that choice to Not do it when I really wanted it.  I truly projected these feelings to be hard, almost unbearable.  The last time I blogged was the day after I put this addiction down.  That day I said a prayer. God, please humbly remove all my shortcomings.  Oh sure I have had times when I remember this is when I smoked or this is when I Enjoyed smoking, but in all honesty it has been cake quitting.  I truly believe that when we know in our heart that this is the next right thing for me...He will answer.  Do good things, good things will come to you.

Peace to all.

So...I have decided to quit smoking.  Last night I opened my "last" pack.  When I was on my way home from work, I fired one up...it tasted gross.  I'm tired of it, it tastes horrible, it smells horrible and I am tired of depending on something that is bad for me.  As I continue on my 30 minutes ride home in the car I peek in my cigarette pack and see that there are still 12 cigs left.  My intention was to quit when this pack was gone, realizing I will not be able to smoke all them tonite,  I start laughing, feeling that internal determination...I count out 6 cigs and leave them in the pack.  One by one the rest i chuck out the window watching each one fly out hit the road (feel a little guilty about littering) but it feels freeing; it was fun, I laughed hard.  I stopped to fill up my gas tank, tossed my ashtray then febreezed my car (it looks so neat just having a bottle of water in my cup holder and not a dirty stinkin ashtray) then stopped at dollar general and treated myself to a neat little car freshener.

Right now I have already passed two "craving points"...after dinner and with my tea.   High five to me!  I AM going to do this.  I am hoping to not touch those 6 cigs left in my purse...until it is bedtime and I intend to flush those suckers down the terlit!

But just to let y'all know, I am prolly gonna be a little spastic.  I am already a cleanaholic and now I am feeling its gonna get alot worse....just call me Super Sweeper Woman...sweeper = vacuum ;)

I know I will get all the support I need here and again as I usually end my blogs...I am very greatful for that.

XoXo

ok...been sayin i was gonna do this for a long time; so here goes...

today is one of those days i can feel a funk comin on.  trying to figure out how to fight it off knowing what i know.  that spring is not any closer than it is, that i have no paid days off until memorial day, that unless i chose to change my thoughts it will get deeper and deeper.  refocus woman, refocus! 

the opposite of these feelings is gratitude.  i Am alive, i Have a job, i Am loved.  good stuff that is but sometimes for some reason i can't reel them in.  almost as if i want that downtime, to feel sorry for myself (even if i can't find a legitimate reason)...that maybe i miss that sympathy that i used to get when hubs would screw up and work on paying it back by treating me like a queen (or help me justify doing dumb chit lol).  i hate to say it but some days i miss the ups and downs...it made me feel alive.

so now back to the refocusing...what can i do now, today to make me feel alive; to look at the positives to Find them...cuz its up to me to find them!  some days i convince myself that i don't need program...that i can work this all out on my own.  why cant i see that this is good for me and that there is nothing to feel guilty about wanting what is best for me?!  im clamming up...im withdrawaling...im repeating old habits.  BUT, i am regonizing it sooner!  i Have learned...i Am creating New habits....(hows that for changing focus).

life is really good...and this life has become much better since i found all of u...today i chose to remember and focus on that...xoxo

Vacation (self care week) Day 3

wow so happy i did this for myself and am still doing...i have been so peaceful this week not hesitating to do something that feels right and nice for me. i have always lacked that feeling of independence or doing things alone. never realized how much i could enjoy My life and the things i am doing even if no one else is there. but in reality i now feel in touch with my higher power...and He is there. he is telling me i am loved for me, that i am special. when i meditated today i felt him surround me. it was a feeling of warmth of serenity of peace. i hestitated on taking the few minutes to do this today as i felt in a hurry to get on with my day. but i made myself do it. working on those little habits that will make me feel better..only from past proof and trying to get past that little feeling of incovenience. i dont want to hurry thru my life...my minutes, my days..

love to all...and prayers that that peace can grow with in all of u too

Vacation (self care week) Day 2

ok...so today i have a little bit of anxiety. not sure why but its there...could be the coffee anyhow i am doing the "next right thing" and having faith it will be an awesome day. did my meditating and i feel better. going to get out of the house for a bit.

stay in this moment...be aware...smell the air view the beautiful sky and savor the peaceful sounds of my "home". that is my plan.

thank you to all my on-line friends who i cherrish very much.

god, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can and wisdom to know the difference.

off to wally world