Ok...so no matter how long a loved one is in sobriety, this disease still just sucks.  Nothing about it seems "normal"...and yes I know normal is just a setting on a dryer.  Every spring even if I don't realize it, I set my self up for disappointment.  Is it wrong to look forward to cookouts in the spring?...Is it wrong to want to plan an adventure and just do it and actually enjoy it?...Is it wrong to want to enjoy this time of year (or any time for that matter) with the person I chose to spend my life with? 

Here i sit Alone, Again and am fighting not to be sad.  I have a lot to be grateful for but I just can't seem to dig that up right now.  This is the most beautiful weekend and here I sit Alone.  Can I turn that into a good thing.  It's not my business that my husband is depressed and sleeping on this day, or that he did that yesterday too...I can't take it personal that he has yelled at me for the first time since we got back together.  This is His Stuff.  I have my own issues to deal with right now.  And this is the only thing that can help me.  My instincts tell me to put him down, to tell him what he needs to do differently.   I struggle with my motives right now.  Everything I do as simple as closing the bedroom door has me questioning my motives.  I hate when I don't know how to act.  I'm going to just be me.  I will continue to enjoy this wonderful day.

Ugh...again, this disease just sucks.  I will search out something to do for me...It's all about My attitude. 

Grateful for this place to speak my mind and all the great people that have become part of my everyday life.  Love ya friends. XoXo