I want instant gratification.  I want what I want, when I want it....yesterday!  Same goes for program, for feeling better.  I don't want to wait.  I, as usual, think that I am Super Woman...that I should be able to do something no other person can do. :crazy:  Again a piece of "humble pie." 

I can look today at the whole scheme of things..and see that I have made progress.  I don't react to others "stuff" as much as I used to.  I can let it go quicker when I do.  I can take 10 seconds before reacting and learn so much in that brief time that can change the whole outcome. 

Some days "baby steps" can seem excrutiating...but as I have heard many say, we didn't get here over night.  I am who I am today because of 40 plus years of learning.  Learning what I thought was right...But as we all know, we can be wrong sometimes?!  As I accept and aknowledge what is...and what can't be changed...I also learn that I can make different choices today.  I can forgive myself when I slip...I CAN START OVER...at any given moment. 

One day at a time...I will get to be who I want to be...One day at a time I will become the person I want to to become.  One day at a time I will fight others who want to take that from me...I am perfect, imperfections and all!

Peace to all.

I really had no concept of a higher power when i was a kid. I did attend church for a while, but my parents never really expressed their thoughts to me and all I was interested in was the arts and crafts in bible school.  To be honest I still really cant figure out what or who God is but I do know that there must be something that assures all living things have a purpose.  I know for me that when I have faith in something bigger...good things happen, and I have seen proof in others of this as well.  I figure my beliefs will change throughout my life but I am excited to have the door to learning more thru Al-Anon.  It has opened my eyes to much more than financial success.

Internal happiness...is what I seek.  I want to seek out my inner self and feel free like I did when I was a kid.  Who says this world has to be like others say?!  Who says u have to work, have a house and nice car?!  I can be what I want to be, do what I want to do.

Life is good...

I got the coolest feelings tonite sitting at my pool with my feet in the water watching this little water bug wanting to be connected with me..the only other living thing around him.  I swear he was looking at me.  Strange I know but amazing to me.  Simple pleasures...

No matter who or what my God is....He is Great and I am grateful today!

I am grateful today.  I woke up!  I am healthy, I have a beautiful family, I have awesome friends, I have a wonderful home, I have a good job, I can pay my bills, I have a reliable car, I can breath!  I AM LIVING!

Sometimes I lose focus to where I want to go.  Some days are difficult whether I am moody, or angry, or tense, or sad.  Right now the reality is I can see that these are all feelings of "living."  This sure beats the alternative.  I am so lucky to have my health and my family's health as some are not so fortunate.  Some day I may endure this kind of pain but today I don't and if I live in this moment I can enjoy the best day of my life.  I have faith today that all will play out as it should. 

The quote about life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful is one of my favorite quotes now.  Pain is part of living.  But for the most part if we choose to see clearly, we will see that most seconds are and/or can be wonderful if we want them to be.  Umcomfortable moments are bound to happen (and they have), but I am still standing, I made it through, and I can say all of those moments have made me a better person. 

Today I am humble.  I love life and my choice is to Live...just for Today.

May you all find peace in your heart.  xoxo

I looked forward to the spring and summer...the warm weather, the summer activities...a change, something new, different.  The warm weather snuck up on me, it is here.  Some days I can get into the moment...the smell, the feel, the sounds...But most days I have felt strange...confused....weird....discontent.  

I guess I keep expecting some drastic change to occur outside of me and then the light bulb will flash on.  OHHHH this is what I am supposed to be doing...but then I slouch down realizing this is not going to happen.  That again I am waiting...as time slips out of my hands.  Weeks seem to fly by and before ya know it I am looking forward to fall...to cool weather, football...Again looking in the wrong place for something I have right inside of me.  The Choice to be happy...be content..be grateful..be appreciative, all of these things are Inside of ME. 

It's strange how when I do the things that make me feel good and the payoff is so worth it...that it still seems difficult to do these things.  Why do I feel more attracted to the negative energy, bitching, complaining, gossiping...ugh.  I know when I fall into this behavior that it just builds and in the long run makes me feel worse.  It's the same with taking good physical care of myself.  Even tho it makes me feel better it is so easy to stop...easier to make excuses.

For today I am making a commitment to look at the positive.  To say 3 things that I am grateful for and to do one thing I want to do for me...just for me...for Today.

Grateful for this website!  (#1) :)  xoxo

Ok...so no matter how long a loved one is in sobriety, this disease still just sucks.  Nothing about it seems "normal"...and yes I know normal is just a setting on a dryer.  Every spring even if I don't realize it, I set my self up for disappointment.  Is it wrong to look forward to cookouts in the spring?...Is it wrong to want to plan an adventure and just do it and actually enjoy it?...Is it wrong to want to enjoy this time of year (or any time for that matter) with the person I chose to spend my life with? 

Here i sit Alone, Again and am fighting not to be sad.  I have a lot to be grateful for but I just can't seem to dig that up right now.  This is the most beautiful weekend and here I sit Alone.  Can I turn that into a good thing.  It's not my business that my husband is depressed and sleeping on this day, or that he did that yesterday too...I can't take it personal that he has yelled at me for the first time since we got back together.  This is His Stuff.  I have my own issues to deal with right now.  And this is the only thing that can help me.  My instincts tell me to put him down, to tell him what he needs to do differently.   I struggle with my motives right now.  Everything I do as simple as closing the bedroom door has me questioning my motives.  I hate when I don't know how to act.  I'm going to just be me.  I will continue to enjoy this wonderful day.

Ugh...again, this disease just sucks.  I will search out something to do for me...It's all about My attitude. 

Grateful for this place to speak my mind and all the great people that have become part of my everyday life.  Love ya friends. XoXo