Denial and reality

sigh...

I always said if I knew the truth I could deal with it...

it was the lies I couldn't stand.

That's not true, ya know.

Sometimes the truth hurts...

but it does free you from the lies you tell yourself.

It does get better...

the shock wears off...

and I have a program that reinforces healthy boundaries.

Sitting with my own counsel...

and learning that my intuition had been right all along...

learn to trust myself

and the SIGNPOSTS higher power put in my path.

Meditation, communion, prayer ...

and sometimes just SITTING

waiting without FORCING a resolution.

Clarity and serenity come.

seldom in MY timeframe, but they do come

when I keep working it.

Let go and Let god/higher power.

Life keeps evolving

and the reality is...

so do I.

powerless is not a word that most would describe about me...
and yet...
acceptance of powerlessness
has given me many opportunities
to see a higher power at work.
through a "Series of Uncoincidences"
I found clues that lead me on a road trip
picking up pieces of my past
resolving some karma
finding some PEACE
and as in Alice in Wonderland...
believing Impossible Things EVERY day
when I give up control
there is room for miracles
I don't have all the answers
and when I get an insight...
whooopeeeee!
and joy in simple things
driving down Manhattan's 7th AVENUE at 6:30 am...
People are UP and moving then lol
me... simple southern girl...taking on the cabs in NYC
I laughed
and fell asleep 12 hours later in MY bed
at the hilarious attempts I go to ...to control my own reality
shrugs
I'm powerless...
: over others
but have the great power to trust
in something greater than self.

When I ask you to listen to me ...

and you start giving me advice,

You have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me...

and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,

You are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me...

and you try to solve my problem,

You have failed me, strange as that may seem.

LISTEN! All I asked was that you listen,

not talk to or do...

Just hear me. Please.

Without sleep, I tend to meditate...I feel...I feel the world...

the oceans...the gulf...sigh

the losses...fish, people, dolphins, birds...

the hope... that we will make conscious decisions...

the despair...when will we learn...

the judgment and the helplessness...

I wonder in the night...

as fireworks celebrate freedom...

freedom of choice...

free will...

freedom from the known.

I pray we wake up... embrace each other... and know that we are all in this together. I pray we make wiser decisions, appreciate diversity, and have compassion for all... but most of all, I pray that I have the courage to change.