Barbn

7/5/10

This disease creates a sense of loneliness that is very hard to shake. I can be in a room full of people and still be lonely. I can be at work and still be lonely.

Alcoholism is very isolating to friends and families. No one understands what I have gone through. Or am going through.

Add a divorce on top of that and it becomes even worse. Kids are gone half the time. More time to spend with me. Oh Boy...

I have actually done pretty well lately. But one of the consequences of my trip I recently took was a realization that I was going to be alone for a long time.

I know being alone and loneliness are two separate concepts. But sometimes they come together and become one. I have struggled this weekend with this.

Of course looking at all my flaws, beating myself up over them. Doing all that I am not supposed to do if I am working a good program.

Well I tried doing some things to work a good program. But mainly I slept and when I was awake I cried. Dwelling and grieving. Not liking myself. Making lists of all the bad stuff in my head. Ugh.

Thankfully today I was distracted from all this by my daughter. I am still sad and lonely. But I am hoping I got a lot of the emotions out this weekend. And that I can get back to working my program.