Barbn

4/18/10

Well I made a huge decision today regarding my recovery. I fired my therapist.  It's time to find a new one.  I have not been happy for awhile with this one.  But until last week I hadn't been able to take action.  I finally acknowledged to myself that I needed to do this so I could take better care of me.  Maybe I have outgrown her.  I definitely know she wasn't meeting my needs.  Not right now anyway.  In the past she was there when I needed it and how I needed it.  But I have grown.  And I believe I need different things now.  A new way of going about things.  And she isn't providing that to me.  So I am moving on.

It's time to get the insurance provider book out and see who is out there who can help me in this next stage of my recovery.  Now that I know what therapy is all about and I have a better idea of what I want out of it I think maybe I'll have enough courage to ask for what I want.  I have issues that I would rather not address.  But I know enough that if I don't it's going to be a big problem.  I need someone who is strong.  Who won't let me get away with hiding.  Someone who will help me express myself verbally.  I need good direction.  New ways of looking at and thinking about things. 

I am being proactive.  I am making decisions with forethought.  I am not just reacting.  This is for me.  I am scared of the change.  I have anxiety about this whole thing.  It's something new.  Having to learn to trust someone new.  But if it's going to help, I am willing to try.