April 5th, 2010

I've been taking a "mindfulness" class for the past 8 weeks. I thought it would be helpful to me to try to stay focused in the now, this moment... and this class has taught me many good tips tricks to be successful with this. This weekend I spent with my mother, my sister and my sisters in laws who I haven't seen in years. It was a wonderful weekend. I was able to detach all emotions and just observe, curiously, all the relatives, kin, behaviors and goings on. It was truly quite fascinating. One thing that I came home with was an understanding that people all run on different levels of consciousness. This isn't big news to anyone (lol) but for me it was more acceptance of others, in a nonjudgemental manner. It helped me to get a better grasp on accepting others for who they are, what they aspire or do not aspire to be. It isn't about right or wrong, it is about choices, and for some, limitations. It was really quite a beautiful thing to watch 4 generations of family gather, play games, reminisce, converse, interact. I felt fortunate to be part of it. But for me, there was much more to this weekend. My actions, my feelings, my behavior were that of a woman who accepts herself as she is, who she is, where she is. In past I would've taken some things personally, or been overly careful to say the right things, do the right things, etc etc. But there was none of that this weekend. I was in my own skin (not in a place where I thought others thought I should be), comfortable, happy, and living in the moment. It was awesome! Further reflections indicated that this has been happening over a period of time. It didn't just "appear" this weekend. I have to tell you, self acceptance is truly an amazing and freeing thing! No doubt I'll have my days when I will not feel so good about myself, but today, right now, I am grateful for who I am, scars, warts and all. It has been a long journey to get to this point, but it has so been worth it!